The Memoirs of a KnowItAll
by GrangerGurl2
Summary: Summary inside. I hope you enjoy!
1. Default Chapter

**The Memoirs of a "Know-It-All"**

By: GrangerGurl2

Dedications: I dedicate this story to all of my best friends: Arieh, Brian, Bryan, Janna, Nathan, Noah, Rachel, Randy, Yasmin, and Zanney. There are more people, but it would take forever to write them all down. (Some of the characters are named after and/or modelled after my friends.)

Disclaimer: I only own the plot and the characters you don't recognise. I swear! I don't steal!

Summary: It may say 'memoirs' but its being told as everything happens. It just makes the story better. Total R/Hr!

So, here we go...

**Chapter 1**

An older looking Hermione Granger stepped through the gateway between Platforms 9 and 10. As she attempted to tuck her hair behind her ears, one of her best friends, Harry Potter, came behind her and picked her up.

"Eeee!" Hermione squealed and kicked out at the air in front of her. "Put me down, NOW!" and the moment Harry complied, the final third of the Golden Trio, Ronald Weasley, gave Hermione a noogie, which resulted in three things: Hermione with even more messed up hair, slit eyes, and looking extremely pissed off; Ron's life flashing before his eyes; and Harry laughing at the whole situation (silently of course).

Hermione took a deep breath, and seeing this Ron and Harry covered their ears, for they knew the kind of damage her screams could do to their eardrums. "Ronald Arthur Weasley, be prepared for the biggest," Hermione took a breath, Ron looked at Harry worriedly, and Harry just shrugged (A/N: quite a feat when you are covering your ears, really). "Hug of your life!" Hermione finished then she giggled.

"Wha? Hug? Me?" Ron looked at her confused, after removing his hands from his ears, of course. Harry just laughed, and received a death-glare from Ron.

Hermione, however, took that exact moment to launch herself at Ron, who, upon contact, fell over and let out an, "Oof. Hermione, you didn't have to knock me over, you know."

Hermione, still on top of Ron, looked down at him and giggled. "Oh, I know Ron, but it was SO much fun!" She smiled at him and then squealed for the second time that day, because Ron started tickling her. "Eeee! Ron! Stop it! Ok, ok. I'm sorry!!" She stated between laughs.

"Uh, guys, people are staring, you know..." Harry said to his two best friends who, at the moment, were scaring him.

Hermione, looking rather embarrassed and quite red in the face, got up and laughed nervously. Ron, on the other hand, got up looking as if nothing had happened. Hermione and Harry looked at Ron and turned away, Hermione looking a slightly brighter shade of red than before.

"What is it?" asked Ron, entirely confused.

Harry took it upon himself to help his poor confused friend out. "Uh, mate...look down..." and once Ron did, he blushed and Harry proceeded to laugh at him. That, however, only caused Hermione to slap him on the arm. "Ow! Hermione!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Later that day, Harry, Ron, and Hermione sat in the Gryffindor Common Room talking about every day things such as how You-Know-Who was going to try to kill Harry next, or how long the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Frank, a woman in her mid-twenties, and her assistant, Professor Surrett, another woman in her mid-twenties, were going to last. Hermione seemed quite pleased that they were _finally_ going to have a woman DADA professor.

"C'mon Hermione, it's not like we've never had a female teacher before." Ron said quietly. Harry was very happy to see that Ron seemed a bit more talkative now, since he'd barely said more than two words at a time since that morning.

Hermione, however, seemed not to care, "I know that, Ron, but a woman teaching Defence Against the Dark Arts? I've done my reading—"

"—As usual," Ron and Harry interrupted.

"—And so far, this is the first woman to teach Defence Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts, ever. I find it quite fascinating, actually." Hermione continued, ignoring Harry and Ron's remark. She then looked at her watch and decided it was time to go upstairs. "Well, boys, you can sit here and talk the night away, but I need some sleep. I'll see you in the morning." She smiled, and then left.

"God, I like her." Ron whispered.

"I know you do, Ron. In fact, EVERYONE knows you do. You just have to tell HER." Harry replied, and then he too left, so Ron could figure out how to tell Hermione.

A/N: Hey guys, I've got MAJOR writer's block right now, and this is all I could come up with. Enjoy!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: To whoever asked, Dolores Umbridge does not count because she is INSANE! Just like my friend, Janna, who is now helping me write this fic since I almost always get writer's block!

A/N 2: Characters will get a little bit more OOC (**O**ut **O**f** C**haracter) now, because it is now a joint-fic.

**Chapter 3**

Suddenly, Hermione walked down from upstairs in her ever famous fuzzy pink bathrobe. "I couldn't sleeeeeeep." She whined more to herself than to the open mouthed Ron, "I can't find my _Numerology through the Ages_ and I always read it when I can't sleep." She stopped suddenly and stared at Ron as though she saw him for the first time. "You okay?"

"Uhhhhhhh...I...you..." stammered Ron. He took one look at Hermione's sceptical face then grabbed her shoulders and firmly set her down on one of the cushiony chairs by the Gryffindor fireplace. "Now see here Hermione..." Ron said in a mock business like tone. "I..." he cleared his throat and tried again. "When a boy like me meets a girl like you there comes a time when...uh...when..."

"Yes?" Hermione asked, with a very concerned look on her face.

"I have to tell you something..." Ron began after taking a deep breath. "I—oh look at the time! Its time for my...er...daily Quidditch cleaning! I've got to go upstairs and...uh...clean all my Chudley Cannons equipment for...uh...future generations to enjoy! So, bye!" So saying, he ran upstairs.

Hermione shook her head sadly. "There is something seriously wrong with that boy. I wonder if he took his medication tonight." Now even more concerned than ever she started up stairs to go look for him but before she could put one foot on the stair case a green eyed tousle haired someone popped up from no where blocking her way.

"Helllllllllllllllllllllo Hermione!" Harry said now ushering a stunned Hermione back to the chairs. "Where are you going in such a hurry? Did Ron tell you yet?" Harry stopped dead and put his hand over his mouth.

"Did he tell me what?" Hermione said in frustration. "Why is everyone acting so weird tonight? Don't tell me you have a medical problem too! And speaking of which...where is everyone?"

Harry hesitated then started to speak very fast. "How am I supposed to know? I'm not a mind reader for crying out loud! Well I do read Voldermort's mind but I can't read anyone else's! Ha ha ha! But that is beside the point. Its not like everyone is in on some crazy plot to hook you up with...uh, never mind...sooo, why can't you sleep?" He asked, going right in her face.

"DO YOU MIND?" Hermione asked, pushing Harry away by the face now extremely irritated. "Happy pink personal space bubble...no touchie!" Hermione stood there breathing heavily her hand still up where she pushed Harry's face away, while Harry stood there looking, as usual, a little confused. "Now, can you tell me where my _Numerology through the Ages_ is?" She asked, a little calmer.

Harry hesitated then started to talk a lot faster than normal again. "YEAAAAAAAAH! I'VE SEEN IT! Malfoy came up to your dorm when you where at dinner and nicked it and now he's hidden it in his dorm somewhere. Say! That gives me an idea! Why don't you and Ron go out and get it because I'm realllllllly tired I need to get some sleep. On the other hand you guys are basically night owls! I don't know how you do it. So I'll go get Ron and the invisibility cloak and you can be off okay? Okay? Okay."  
  
Hermione looked at him like he'd gone even more insane than Ron. "Harry...I am in my FUZZY PINK BATHROBE! I can't go traipsing about the halls wearing my FUZZY PINK BATHROBE!!!" She yelled at him.

But Harry disappeared up the stair case. Instead Hermione was yelling at a grinning Ron Weasley holding Harry's invisibility cloak in one hand and a tiny black string in the other. "No, no, no. You can wear that! No one will see you. Everyone is asleep! Anyway, even if anyone is awake, the invisibility cloak will hide everything!" Ron smiled a sheepish smile and stuck the end of the thin black string in his ear.

"Ron...what is that in your-"

"No time to talk, we want to get your book as soon as possible so we can get some more sleep. So we'll just cover ourselves up with the cloak and we'll be off." Ron quickly threw the cloak around himself and Hermione and yelled at 'no one in particular,' "We're off! Here we go, out the portrait hole!" He cleared his throat and yelled even louder. "YES! ME AND HERMIONE ARE JUST GOING THROUGH THE PORTRAIT HOLE. MOSSIEING THROUGHT THE PORTRAIT HOLE! LA LA LA!"

Hermione whacked Ron on the arm and hissed, "Shut up! Do you want the whole house to know that we are going out of bed after hours? Now, if we're going to get this done let's get it done quickly. This bathrobe is starting to itch."

"Then why don't you take it off?" Ron whispered, more to himself, but Hermione still heard him.

"What did you just say???? YOU ARE SICK!"

"I didn't say anything!" Ron hissed back and he stepped through the portrait hole at last.

A/N: Did you like this chapter? Did it make you laugh? I hope so, because that was our intention! More to come!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Here's Chapter 4!! ENJOY!

**Chapter 4**

Ron's palms where sweaty as he and Hermione walked along the moonlit corridors. He couldn't believe that he was actually walking alone—without Harry—under the invisibility cloak with Hermione in the dead of night. _Oh how incredibly romantic Ron_, he thought to himself. Hermione meanwhile was irritated.

"Ron, can we hurry up?" she hissed at her invisible companion. "do you realize how many times we have gone out after hours in the past—what—six years?"

"I don't know." Ron said innocently. "I lost count on year three." Hermione scoffed.

"Well, according to my calculations almost as many times as-"

"-Hermione, what part of 'after hours' don't you get?" Ron said rolling his eyes. "We get enough school during the day, okay?"

_"RON! Be cool..."_ said a voice from Ron's pants.

"What was that?" Hermione asked.

"Um...I don't know." Ron repeated for the second time that evening. "Uh...oh look it's your book! There by the stair case! I'll tell you what. You go get it and I'll keep a look out." Ron gave Hermione a little shove and watched her walk slowly towards the marble staircase. Then he took a walkie talkie out of his pocket. "HARRY. WILL YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT COOL IS?" Ron whispered frantically into the device.

"Ron, it's when you don't act like yourself for at least five minutes." Ron scowled at the walkie talkie.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" But before Harry could reply Hermione came back with her book in her hands, looking very confused.

"Who are you talking to?" she asked.

"You know what? I just remembered my pants talk to me sometimes and the only way to make them shut up is to talk to them back!" Ron said in a rush.

"Oh really..." Hermione said crossing her arms. "Now didn't you say my book was in the Slytherin common room?"

"Did I say that? I meant...uh..."

"Ron..." Hermione said sternly. Ron looked up guiltily. "Why are we here? You set this up didn't you?"

"Yes..." Ron said now bowing his head shamefully.

"And you pants don't talk do they? Harry has been communicating with you through a magically wired walkie talkie hasn't he?"

"Boy you're really smart!" Ron said now sounding impressed. It was now Hermione's turn to roll her eyes.

"Ron..." She said and gave him a very stern look.

"Uh...well, I...Will you go out with me?" He asked blushing.

A/N: Cliffie, I know, well too bad, so sad. Look for more!!!


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: For you dunderheads that didn't realize that in Chapter 3 (-cough- RON(uknowwhoIam) -cough-), when Ron told her to take off her bathrobe, she was wearing pajamas, not a skimpy little nightgown but full-on pajamas. Well... That's all I have to say at the moment.

**Chapter Five**

Hermione didn't answer; she just looked at Ron, dumbstruck. Ron started to get nervous, "Uh well...I'll just go then..." he said sadly, and then he turned to leave.

"No wait, Ron..." Hermione called. Ron slowly turned to face her. "I'd love to go out with you Ron. I'd- I'd just given up all hope that you would finally get up the courage to ask me and-and I thought I was dreaming." Ron stared at her with his eyebrows raised. Hermione swallowed and continued. "I—had always liked you Ron...I just—I could never..." Ron reached out to her with concern on his face and pulled her into a hug.

"I'm sorry to put you through this pressure..." Ron said through Hermione's hair. "I just really like you a lot."

"Same here." Hermione said smiling. "Besides it's not my fault that I'm beautiful." Ron laughed.

"So, shall we head back to the common room and hammer out the small details?"

"Yes, let us go." Hermione said mocking Ron's formal way. She grinned and walked toward the grand stair case. Ron stayed where he was, pulled out the walkie talkie in his pocket and said into it, "Harry, get some sleep. Mission accomplished." And with a triumphant smile on his face he followed Hermione up the stair case.

A/N: We know, kinda short, but what can you do? More to come soon! We promise! (We just don't know HOW soon. (Hee hee))


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